that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
