4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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