I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
