someone owes me an orgasm
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
