Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
