he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
