she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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