thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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