I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
