got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The feeling are messing with the penis
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
