Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
