Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
