I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
