Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
