giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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