Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
