I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We are all done wearing pants today
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