return my video game
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
