I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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