i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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