Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's blow job season.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize