Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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