Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
