Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
