Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Randomize
