If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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