the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize