you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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