so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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