Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
