there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
