Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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