Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
