You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
