So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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