is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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