Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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