i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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