i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
where are my eyebrows?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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