like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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