His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
