I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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