So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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