...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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