You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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