A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
