Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
