is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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