the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
