I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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