worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love you. Go after that dick
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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