you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
