No stitches, just platelets and will power
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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