He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
