found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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