you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
