if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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