You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
