y did u give ur computer a hand job?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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