she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
