Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize