You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
