She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Houston, we have a squirter
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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