i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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