Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
