just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
