I am puke
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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