can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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