my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
