"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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